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“Letter to Husband” who blames his wife for his addiction

“Letter to Husband”
who blames his wife for his addiction

Dear Husband,

It is not relevant whether or not I am attractive to you. You made a covenant with God when you took me to the temple. You promised him that you would spend the rest of your life consecrating all of your resources to provide for and protect me and any children we might have together. You covenanted with God that you would treat me like one of his precious daughters, with kindness, respect, loyalty, graciousness and honor. No where, has God said anything like unto, “unless you no longer find my daughter attractive.” No where in the principles you have learned from prophets past and present have you ever been told, “If you no longer find your wife to be attractive, you can now view the naked bodies of the other daughters of your Father in Heaven.”

Husband, I cannot control your behavior and choices. I will remember that you can do whatever you want. I will not try to take from you your freedom of choice. The promise I made in the temple was to follow you IF you are following our Father in Heaven. When you misbehave, when you break the law of chastity (yes, viewing pornography is having a sexual relationship with someone other than your spouse (so is masterbation…having sex with yourself is not having sex with your spouse.)) and/or you do not protect me from being blamed for something that is not my fault, you are breaking the temple covenant. When you have broken the temple covenant, I am not required to follow you; and from now on I will be making decisions accordingly.

Not too long ago there was a talk in General Conference where it was mentioned, “You cannot build a mansion in heaven and still have a summer home in Babylon” or something like that. (Somebody look that up and let me know the reference.) Husband, I am going to try to live two lifestyles, like you have been. I do not know how long I can maintain it, but here is what I will try to do. If you are walking toward a mansion in heaven (behaving well), I will try to follow you. If you are walking toward the Babylon summer home (not behaving as if you are following God), then I will quickly shift into “Pioneer Woman Mode”. In other words, I will function like my pioneer ancestor women who found themselves without a man in their lives. I will buckle down and be strong. I will proceed to the promised land without you. I have a stewardship over these children. I cannot wait for you to dily daly and risk the possiblity of me and the children being caught in a “winter storm” before we get to the promised land. Yes, I would prefer you come with us. Yes, if you run to catch up with us, I would appreciate your help again, but, I cannot wait to help you. I do hope you get the help you need. I do not want you to freeze to death in the cold. You will need the help of God and other professionals while I move on.

May God be with You in Your Journey,


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5 Responses so far.

  1. Mikethebatt says:

    Wherefore Settle This in Your Hearts by Elder Larry Gibbons of the Seventy October 2006 General Conference

  2. Anonymous says:

    I feel guilty because when I go into "pioneer woman mode", I don't wnat my husband by my side anymore for a long time after. When he stops abusing me-and starts to act like he will catch up-or has a few good days…I sometimes don't want to have anything to do with him for a week or so-or even a month. His abuse, betrayal..the fear I have of him as well as the pain from his actions the week or month before make it hard for me to want to be with him at all. I sometimes just want him to go away-and let me pull the cart with my kids alone forever..and I feel guilty about that. He's just so very volatile and most of the time deep down I wish he'd "die in the cold" (terrible but true) and that he would just some how leave my life-and let me push alone..My husband scares me…Is that normal to want to end my marriage-move on without him-or do most wives want to wait for thier husbands to "catch up"? Does it depend on what the husband has done or said? Or am I weak and hard hearted wanting him to be out of my journey?

  3. Lukie duke says:

    Here is the quote about summer cottage in babylon:
    "let us once and for all establish our residence in Zion and give up the summer cottage in Babylon" (see Neal A. Maxwell, A Wonderful Flood of Light [1990], 47)

  4. Anonymous says:

    I have quietly been reading for sometime. I have to say that this letter is wonderful.

  5. Anonymous says:

    Very nice. Thank You.

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