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Breaking Through the Fog with

Breaking Through the Fog with God

(I received a cry for help from a young man who is on a mission.  I hope my response will help others who are having a hard time connecting with God.)
I am sad for your pain.  2 years is a long time.  If you are not experiencing a strong connection to the people or to God, it can feel like an eternity.
I remember you.  I remember how intense you can become when you get laser focused on something.  I remember the power you would bring to each meeting when you felt confident and successful.  I remember that laziness was not your main problem.
Remember when we talked about how your relationship with your father on Earth is often the (accidental) beginning template for your relationship with your Heavenly Father? (This is usually true for all people, not just you.)  I remember thinking, “I can’t do this missionary thing for another — months if I am living off a “maybe” relationship with this God guy.”  
I came across scriptural concepts like, “And this is life Eternal, that they might KNOW him.” (Well I didn”t KNOW him; all I had was an occasional fluff of warm fuzzies.)  Then I came across the Joseph Smith story where he comes out of the grove saying he KNEW God had talked to him.  I didn’t know that!  I wasn’t asking for a visitation, just a clarification.
I remember experiencing so much pain over this I broke the “rules” for prayer.  This was when I wrote my first letter to God.  It was awkward, but I didn’t care, I needed connection.  The second “rule” I broke was I refused to talk to Him as if He was a distant, uncaring God.  I decided, “Okay, the scriptures and prophets say he is an involved, loving, interested God, then I will talk to Him as if He is like that.”    So, I spent a little time thinking of Him as if he was a friend of mine I had not heard from in a while and then wrote something like, “So, what is going on here!  Why aren’t you talking to me?  I follow certain ‘rules’ for a while and it doesn’t seem to make any difference.  I have heard so many “should’s” and “supposed-to’s”  that I can’t keep them all straight.  I don’t think you want me to feel stress.  I don’t think you want me to feel depressed and hopeless.  I want to get this missionary thing right.  I want to have the experience ‘they’ say is possible, where it is a positive experience that I am going to look back on someday with appreciation.  Well, it hasn’t been like that so far.  Help!  Please, talk to me!
“I don’t have much of a real testimony of my own.  I am not stupid though, I can figure out on my own what things will probably increase the likelihood that you will talk to me so I will do those things.  I can also figure out what things I am doing that will decrease the likelihood of You talking to me, so I will decrease and eliminate those things.  But in all honesty, there many ‘rules’ I don’t understand, so until I get clarification, I am not going to worry about it.”
“So, here is what I do know.  I do know that I sincerely want to figure this whole thing out.  I do know that I want a real relationship with You, God.  And I know that I don’t want to waste my time here on my mission.  So, please break through the fog, as intensely as you did with Alma the Younger and/or Saul who became Paul if necessary, so I can proceed with confidence!”
I did not receive anything undeniable that first day, but I did experience such a breath of fresh air that I was finally communicating my own true feelings in my communication to Him.  I was not longer holding back due to what I thought others had told me about the rules for prayer.
For the next 3 months, I did not experience anything specifically amazing, but I did experience many “bumps and nudges”  that moved me in the right direction (I wrote about this more in detail in my booklet, “Undeniable Communication with God”.)   During these 3 months I continued to explore the words of the prophets for clues.  I continued to memorize principles from these scriptures that I felt some degree of confidence in.  I continued to write intense letters to God every day, discussing and debating my understanding of these versus and the experiences I was having as well as the experiences I WASN’T having. 
This was a long 3 months (felt like 3 years because I was in missionary time) with plenty of ups and downs.  We taught only about 3-5 lessons per week there in Detroit.  I think we had 1 baptism in that time.  A very cold winter creeped in after a very hot summer.  The girl I had dated for 4 years before my mission announced she was getting married to someone else, I still had over a year left.  Blaa. 
But I pressed on…pacing my self for the long marathon.  Sometimes returning to my basic mantra, “Just do good, don’t do bad.   Just do good, don’t do bad.”    Then finally… I walked quietly down a street in a town called Grand Blanc, I experienced my first, undeniable communication from God.  I heard nothing audible, but I definitely experienced a “Hello” from an entity, warm and powerful, outside myself. 
The next year was amazing.  That first day was like a first date.  A little exciting, but also somewhat awkward.  We spent the whole next year getting to know each other, through conversation (chatting as I walked around and during discussions), daily intense letters, continued memorization (which initiated lots of ‘what about’ conversations).  I was able to get to know the real God, and how is was similar to my earthly father, and how He is different from my earthly father.
Break through the fog.  Get to know the real God.  He is quite and enjoyable friend.
Let me know if you have any questions.

3 Responses so far.

  1. of.the.dust says:

    I have experienced exactly this in my own life. Just barely in September was that first time I dropped the rules and told God what was really on my mind. I said stuff like, "Where are you? Why can't I feel you? I feel like you left and I'll never know you again! You're suppose to be here! I'm doing everything right!!!!" It was an hour or so of verbally talking to God, and though I didn't feel or hear or take home anything that He said back, or feel anything profound in terms of revelation, I felt a fresh feeling of reacquaintance, acceptance, and simply that I was heard. I'm still on my way back to knowing Him again right now. So far so good… but still have a ways. And yeah, I decided I have to teach myself to talk to Him completely different than I have most my life. Much more open and honest and real. Otherwise it's back to feeling like I'm taking to my wall again. Thanks for this post!!!

  2. Unknown says:

    I have probably read this blog post over a dozen times. I too am trying to "break thru the fog" and get to know God. This is so hard for me. I have been handed a very hard trial for me. I had been struggling for some time and met with my Bishop. He asked me to pray for an answer as to what my Heavenly Father wanted me to know. The answer to my prayer began with horrific flashbacks of abuse. My Bishop has been by my side ever since as I work thru all of this. Things that I was so sure about the Gospel, now no longer make sense to me. There is so much "blind faith" to all of this. I even said to my Bishop, Joseph Smith got a beautiful vision and I prayed and was handed a nightmare. Before my first flashback I had been working with the Elders and a Young Woman that I had been teaching while serving in Young Women's in our Ward. They showed us in their discussions a talk from Elder Jeffrey R Holland, in this talk he stated "The Savior warned that in the last days even those of the covenant, the very elect, could be deceived by the enemy of truth. If we think of this as a form of spiritual destruction,". I remember where I was sitting in my home as I heard those powerful words and I remember thinking in my head "I am so glad that I am not one of the "elect" that he is talking about." I found that the Lord felt differently about me. The Bishop said to me "I don't know why the Lord had to shake your testimony down to its foundation, but he did". I then asked the Bishop, "what if this trial destroys me spiritually?" his exact words were "then that would be your choice." I am not saying that this is going to be easy, it is probably the hardest thing I have been asked to do. But, hopefully, with a lot of work, and hope, and endurance, I can get to know the "real God", and in turn, he can get to know the "real me".

  3. Anonymous says:

    I've been trying to establish this connection myself for a long time. I read the "Undeniable Communication" booklet and made notes of all the things to ask God about and for help with, including writing letters to Him. I'm on day 56 in writing the letters. I feel His presence or the presence of Someone who is there, often, so I know I'm being heard. But getting answers seems to not happen for me. Some very difficult things have gone on my life as well, that have caused me to severely doubt my ability to hear Him, as I learned I was "hearing" answers from a wrong source for a long time. I was actually getting answers from both sources–good and false. For the past almost two years I've striven to consistently eliminate those things, entertainment, environments, that would keep me from getting my answers from a pure source, and the main negative sources were things like movies and some TV (didn't watch that much but it was enough I guess). But I continue to not be able to figure out too many things and often feel my efforts aren't initiating progress. Patience and continued perseverance – maybe that's all I'm lacking now? Don't know what to think.

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