“Distraction” continued

We don’t talk much about the 5-10 range, because there is really not much to talk about (see image). The ability to use the brain is falling and will Crash! Level 5 is what we call the “F-it Moment”. Every addict I have described this to knows exactly what I mean. For those what are not addicts, you can think of this as the “Forget it” moment. The addict stops fighting against the temptation and lets himself fall.

Level 4 is called the “Retarded Conversation”. I apologize for any offense this colloquialism might create, but it is unintended. The concept is very relate able to addicts. The conversation in their heads sounds something like, “You know where this is headed. Yea, I know. We probably should stop. Okay, I will in a minute…. Okay, stop now. Okay, I will in a minute.” And, more often than not, as you can see in the diagram, the individual is more likely to keep slipping than to get back to a zero.

Level 3 is called the “Dude” Moment. Again, this is unnecessary to explain to the addict, but I will do so for those who are not. This idea to do something deviant does not come from within the individual who is being “tempted”. Imagine a young man just sitting there, minding his own business, when he gets a call from a friend who has a fun activity in mind. The conversation starts with, “Dude! I have a great idea of what we could do right now!” There are many versions of the the Dude moment, but they all start with “Dude!” Some addicts hear in their minds, “Dude, it’s been a while.” or “Dude, I think your parents (wife) aren’t home.”

You see, Level 1 and Level 2 have nothing to do with sexually deviant behavior. In order for a good man to even consider misbehaving, he has to need relief from pain. In order to need relief from pain, he must been in strong pain that he does not know how to get out of. Because men tend to be thought based instead of feeling based, Satan can use thoughts to build emotional pain without the man even knowing it is happening. “The serpent was the most subtle of all the beasts of the field.”

Level 1 is the first idea that causes pain. In the case of J, he might hear something like, “Dude, your wife is gonna ditch you anyway. Let’s just hang out for a while and discuss all the pain she brings to your life. Life was easier before you married such a complicated woman (and those associated with her).” With the ideas comes a chemical reaction in the brain that induces several feelings at once. Fear and Hopelessness usually in this case. But men aren’t into feeling fear and hopelessness, so we follow the “Emotional Detour” (another thought for another day) path and go directly to one form or another of anger. In J’s case, he prefers, frustration. It feels more legitimate to him.

If a man is ready for it and is on his game, he can defuse the Level 1 attack and return to a zero where he feels Hope, Faith and Charity. Otherwise, Satan will add more Evidence that the idea is legitimate. Hand-fulls of ideas that support the idea that his wife is going to leave him anyway, start to flood into his mind. This builds him up to a Level 2 “Strong Negative Feelings You Believe.” When the pain of a Level 2 becomes strong enough, Mr. M (Masturbation), Mr. P (Pornography) or one of their buddies will come knocking at the door saying, “Dude, it looks like you are having a bad day. Let’s hang out and push all that pain away!” (Level 3)

In order to keep his wife safe in the long run, J is going to have to become aware of when he is being distracted from his own development toward being concerned about what is wife is thinking and feeling. He needs to become aware of strong negative feelings and defuse them quickly (how to do so will be another chat for another day). He needs to return to Hope, Faith and Charity in order to clear his mind and chose productive activities for himself.

I think he will do it. It is a race. Will he become a safe man to be married to before she decides to move on? We shall see.

About Maurice W. Harker, LPC

Director of Life Changing Services, Director of Sons of Helaman, Facilitator of the WORTH group, Consultant for the Daughters of Light program.