The pain and recovery of the wife: When a man has strayed.

I am working with a woman who has been married for 5 years and has a little boy. Everything was going great in their marriage until she learned of some significant sexual misbehaviors by her husband. You can read her full story at http:/mynotsoperfectmormonmarriage.blogspot.com

Here is my response to her today:

I can empathize with your confusion. As I have watched other women go through this, it rips my heart out. Often it is easier if the guy just goes off the deep end or gets hit by a bus. But then again…

When I decided that I wanted to be a beyond-mortal therapist, God made me promise that I would let Him be in charge and that I would follow every twist and turn he put along the way. I had to study stories that made no sense, like Nephi chopping off Laban’s head, and Moses parting the Red Sea, etc, etc. Verses like,
1. Mosiah 4: 9
9 Believe in aGod; believe that he is, and that he bcreated all things, both in heaven and in earth; believe that he has all cwisdom, and all power, both in heaven and in earth; believe that man doth not dcomprehend all the things which the Lord can comprehend.

I am required to use two parts of my brain at all times as a therapist: the realistic scientist, and the man of God who believes in miracles.

I have been hammering away at husband’s brain to check for weak spots. Originally, the contradiction between his private behavior and his public behavior was so drastic that it gave me great pause. Most addicts have soft spots or gaping holes all over in their brains. It looks like he only has a few “holes” in his head, but the ones that are there run deep. But, the parts of his brain that are still strong are going to come in handy to find and repair the broken parts.

He is not there yet, and it is not time to throw yourself back into his arms, but he is doing the process correctly – for now. He could continue to improve, or we could find other “holes”.

Another major piece is that this God guy is really into family preservation. If he sees a chance for a miracle, he likes to pull them off. I have learned not to debate with him over the size of the problem. He just reminds me that he created the earth, etc, etc.

Don’t try to force the outcome. Feeling in limbo is actually a good first step into really connecting with the power of God. I find that I need not fear, because I can trust him to carry me through.
1. Matt. 6: 34
34 Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take athought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof.

About Maurice W. Harker, LPC

Director of Life Changing Services, Director of Sons of Helaman, Facilitator of the WORTH group, Consultant for the Daughters of Light program.