To the Addict who is losing hope….

“I have already tried everything.”
“I can’t ask for help, because nobody knows I have a problem. And if they found out they would either cry their eyes out, or be so mad/disappointed that they would reject me forever.”
“I am too weak, I don’t have enough will power, obviously.”
“I’m just one of those guys who was never intended to over-come this addiction.”
“Yes, I could succeed for a while, but I will always relapse. I always have in the past.”
“The amount of treatment I would need would cost so much…. I can’t put that kind of financial burden on my family.”
I woke up this morning with these (above) and other similar quotes flooding into my head. It wasn’t hard to wake up early and start writing as the urgency of getting information out to you hit me.
Gentlemen! (and Ladies if this applies) Please have confidence in us scientists who have dedicated our lives to finding what it takes to empower you with the ability to beat addictive behaviors for the rest of your lives. Just in the last 6 weeks we have discovered tools that have only become available because of developments in technology. And as with everything technological, it takes very little time for the cost to drop to very little. I don’t mean for this to sound like a commercial, I just don’t want you to have to live in pain anymore. I don’t want you to fear the permanent loss of your (future) wife and/or your (future) children and/or your self respect.
There are so many elements associated with addictions, especially sexual addictions. There are biological, neurological, genetic, emotional, cognitive, psychological, historical, sexual, and spiritual elements, just to name a few. Some are saying that sexual addictions are as invasive as cancer and more chemically addictive than heroin or meth addictions. I am surprised at how many people want me to give them “a few ideas” on how to beat these problems as if it is a bad habit like biting your finger nails.
Yes, if you have slipped off the edge (from casual user of drugs, alcohol or sexual misbehaviors to addict), then you are going to need more than self discipline to overcome it. Something happens in the brain when you become an addict. You know you are an addict when you put a great deal of effort into changing a behavior, at least 3 times, and you have not been able to succeed.
Gentlemen, I know it is humiliating for you to acknowledge that you don’t have what it takes to fix something on your own. While safety and security are the two strongest emotions I have found in women, confidence and competence are the two strongest I have found in men. I can think of very few things I hate more than someone pointing out my incompetence. When I train men, both young and old, to fight these things, I have learned to use military and athletic analogies. Most men appreciate the idea of being on a powerful athletic team or military team. When going up against a skilled, intelligent and strong opponent, you are going to want to be on a team, even if it is just one other partner. How many times do we see cops on TV going into dangerous places by themselves and we think, “Idiot! Take your partner with you, or wait for back up!”
Gentlemen! (And ladies if it applies). Look around. Investigate. There are “teams” and/or “partners” you can align yourself with in order to beat these massive opponents (addictions). If you have “already tried everything”, there are better, less expensive ways to get treatment now than ever before. With Google, you can find anything. Or, email me and I can guide you to a program that will meet your needs.
Please don’t live as Henry David Thoreau describes, “The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation.”

About Maurice W. Harker, LPC

Director of Life Changing Services, Director of Sons of Helaman, Facilitator of the WORTH group, Consultant for the Daughters of Light program.