Feel like your wife is not being supportive?

The following concern was submitted by a member of the group.  I am
taking the time to address it because it is a re-occurring concern I
hear about in my marriage therapy sessions.  I am also addressing it
because it reveals a handful of thinking errors that cannot be
ignored. " A friend of mine is struggling to keep his marriage together. How
can he keep fighting when his wife doesn't want to support or help his
progress or she isn't willing to go to professional counseling. How
can a man be in a marriage like this and stay positive?" Brethren, as you proceed through this war in life to fight for your
lives, your wives, your children and your freedom, use the dynamic
that your ancient brothers experienced in the Book of Mormon as a
reference experience.  In other words take your experience today and
transpose it with their experience, and vice versa.  Observe how we
can bring dark things (messages from Satan) to light by imagining a
Nephite warrior saying what we hear in our minds. For example, imagine Moroni sitting with a fellow warrior around the
campfire and saying, "How can I keep fighting when my wife doesn't
want to support or help my progress or she isn't willing to go to
professional counseling. How can I (stay committed to his temple
covenants) like this and stay positive?" If we are going to win this war, we are going to have to remember why
we fight.  We must remember, every day, or more than once each day,
that we fight for more than just for our wives.  We fight for our
freedom (whether we are married or not), we fight for our character
(because we are warriors and that is just what we do), and we fight to
sanctify our relationship with our Father, who we had a relationship
with before we even met our wives. Also, let us learn from the Book of Mormon story about Moroni and
Pahoran.  We can mistakenly come to the conclusion that our wives are
not "being there for us" because they do not want to be, when in
reality, Satan is attacking them just as much if not more than he is
attacking us!  Maybe, our addiction (with the help of Satan) has
tricked us again that "at least part of this can be blamed on her".
Maybe Satan has convinced us that the scripture, "do not rely on the
arm of flesh" or "thou shalt have no other God's before me" are not
relevant in this situation.  Brethren, please consider that the
psychological war your wife is experiencing is more difficult than the
war you are experiencing.  And during this time of difficulty, you
will need to acquire your reinforcements directly from God so you can
"support her and help her progress" not her being there for you.
Thinking she should be there for you through this is accidentally yet
arrogantly coming to the conclusion that her pain is less than yours. Gentlemen, use the Patriarchal order.  Get your energy and motivation
and encouragement directly from your God.  Get so much of it that you
can share your surplus with your wives and your children.  You can do
this!  Create a system designed to remind you of these principles. Let me know if you have any questions. Maurice —

About Maurice W. Harker, LPC

Director of Life Changing Services, Director of Sons of Helaman, Facilitator of the WORTH group, Consultant for the Daughters of Light program.