Parable of the Southern Bell: When a Man hurts a Woman and how to fix it.

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The following story is just a portion of the book:
This book is now available in eBook form.  
Text “Imnotokay2” to 91011 or {CLICK HERE} to get your own copy.
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Sadly, most married couples I
work with start with a visit from the wife who quickly falls into tears of pain
after entering my office.  While I do
have cases where the wife is the one who hurt the husband, today I am going to
talk about how to work through things when the husband hurts the wife.


When a Man has Hurt a Woman
And how to fix it


Parable of the Southern
Belle
     This story could take
anyplace, but it works best for me if I imagine a father sitting on the front
porch of his plantation style home in the South.  He looks down the long graven drive lined by
large trees on both sides.  He sees an old
sports car driving a little faster than usual up the drive which comes to a
gravel-flinging stop by the porch.  The
teen-age girl (who happens to to be the man’s daughter) jumps out of the
passenger’s seat and yells at the young man who has been driving, “I hate
you!  And I never want to see you
again!”  As she slams the door and
starts to run up the steps in to the house, he opens his door and over the roof
of the car hollars, “I’m sorry!  I
didn’t mean to hurt you!”

     The father, (just like you
would, gentlemen), reaches for his shotgun that he keeps on the porch…just in
case.  The young man sees what the father
is doing, jumps back in his car, and drives away as fast as he can.  The father pulls the trigger a few times, but
misses on purpose, his only goal is the scare the boy away forever.  That night he holds his daughter in his arms
and hopes to console her.   “Why do
boys have to be so stupid!”  And
with a deep breath, he remembers to himself, “Just like he was at that
age.”

The next day, the father gets
quite a surprise.  Once again, the father
is on his porch when he sees that same car slowly driving up the gravel
drive.  He reaches for his gun and takes
the proper position on the middle step. 
The young man slowly gets out of his car. 
“You got a lot of nerve
coming back here young man,” the father says.  “You won’t be talking to my daughter
today, nor ever, so why don’t you get back in that fancy car of yours and drive
away before I have to put some holes in you and your car.”

Meekly, but bravely, the
young man replies with, “I am not here to talk to your daughter, Sir, I am
here to talk to you.”

This shocks the father a bit,
who after a spell of silence asks, “Well, what is it you want to
say?”

The young man looks up for
the first time to make eye contact with the father and says, “I feel
really bad for hurting your daughter. 
She is really important to me and I made an immature mistake.  Before I try to make it up to her, Sir, I
want to make it up to you.  What would
you have me do, Sir?”

The father, even more
surprised, pauses for a moment to ponder. 
He has no interest in putting his daughter in harms way by allowing this
young man to see his daughter again, but at the same time, this father has
never seen such wisdom and courage in a young man.  For that matter, he remembers that when he
was that age, he would not have handled the situation this good.  Also, there is the question, “Is this
young man a flash in the pan with enthusiasm, or is he willing to back his
words up with actions.”  So, a
little test.

“Alright, young man, I
want you to take that fancy car of yours, drive down to town square, take one
of your clean white t-shirts and write on it real big, “I hurt —– and I
am willing to do whatever it takes to fix it.”  Then attach that shirt like a flag to the
town flag pole and raise it up high. 
Then take a picture of it with you fancy phone camera and post it on
Facebook for all to see.  
Okay?”   Now, if you haven’t
already guessed, the initial intent of this list of expectations is just to get
rid of the kid.  No punk teenager is
going to follow through with those instructions.

To his surprise, the young
man replies, “Yes Sir.”  He
jumps in his car and drives away.  Thirty
minutes late the father, just out of curiosity, checks his Facebook and finds
that the young man has followed through. 
“Well how about that!” 
What does that mean about this kid?  He must seriously love the girl. 
He is brave.  He is humble.  Impressive.  
So far.

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– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – -/

The next day the father sees
the young man driving up the gravel road again. 
“What can I do for you next to prove myself to you?”  

“Hmmm.  See those fallen trees over there?  See that ax? 
I need that all split into firewood for the winter.  Have at it.”
-Why is the Father having him
do these things?
-If the young man continues
on this path, how is the Father going to talk with the daughter?
-How does it benefit the
Father and the daughter if the young man gets impatient and drives away, never
to come back?
-How does it benefit the
Father and the daughter if the young man stays patient and persistent?
If the young man continues to
work to build a relationship with the Father, 
the Father will come to several conclusions.
-He respects me, therefore I
can trust him to respect my daughter.
-When he is here, he is not
off chasing other girls or other immature distractions.
If consistent, the Father
will start having conversations with his daughter about the impressive
character of the young man.  The Father
wants his daughter to stay away from the young man until he demonstrates true
character change.  Once he demonstrates
that he will be a better man than the other alternatives for his daughter, he
will begin to encourage her to give the young man another chance.  Most women are naturally forgiving once they
feel safe.  And in my experience, that
sense of safety will not come directly from the man, but must come as a
spiritual manifestation for the woman.
Imagine if the young man says
to the Father on the first day he comes back to the house, “Get out of the way,
old man, and let me talk to your daughter.” 
Or, “This is none of your business, we don’t need to involve you.”  Or, “I don’t trust your ability to convince
her of my value, I need to tell her straight forward that I am a good man and
she needs to get over what happened.”
In my professional
experience, those couples who let the Father be the mediator are much more likely
to experience a miracle of recovery and happy healing than the others who are
impatient and work around him.  
We offer 2 programs for people who find themselves in this unfortunate situation.
Both are now available long-distance, through webinar style training.


For the Men:
Men of Moroni

Specialized Training
in Self-Mastery
and Marriage Repair

For the Women:

The W-O-R-T-H group

free Therapist led
Healing/Guidance/Support



The above story is just a portion of the book,

 This book is now available in eBook form.  
Text “Imnotokay2” to 91011 or {CLICK HERE} to get your own copy.




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About Maurice W. Harker, LPC

Director of Life Changing Services, Director of Sons of Helaman, Facilitator of the WORTH group, Consultant for the Daughters of Light program.