It would be nice if we could hope that our loved ones will never be exposed to inappropriate media. Unfortunately, we have reached a phase in technology where it is no longer a matter of “if”, but “when” and “how much”. We are increasingly seeing those as young as 11 and 12 years-old with first time exposure. It is unlikely that they are addicted at this level, but likely that they are seeing more than you ever wanted them to see. We are also seeing that, contrary to popular belief, marriage and frequent appropriate sexual activity does not take away pornography or sexual addiction. So, adults just as much as teens are at risk. So, here is what you do.
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Ask your loved one (or yourself) about once a month, “When was the last time you ran into something inappropriate in the media?” This carefully crafted question helps decrease defensiveness. If he or she feels like you are blaming them or attacking them, they are likely to misrepresent the truth to you. Adults, please don’t be offended if your loved ones ask you these same questions. In this day and age all who rely on you have a right to know, and you have the responsibility to be accountable to those who trust you. Asking as if it was an accident allows them to tell you the truth while saving face.
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How can you tell if your loved one is an “Almost Never”?
-Usually performs at normal levels in academics, social situations, sports, music, employment, etc.
-Rare moments of unusual moods.
-Quickly admits to any exposure to inappropriate material if confronted.or voluntarily reports exposures.
-Will not react with negativity to block being put on electronic devices and rules regarding use of and/or possession of media devices.
-Will proactively decide and can avoid exposure to inappropriate material for long periods of time. (At least 3 months)**
Before we get go further, I want you to know that we have a FREE support/training team specifically for mothers called Mothers Who Know. It is the best (and least expensive) place you can go for high quality information about how parents should react to discovering pornography use and other sexual misbehaviors are in their home.
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Also, we have a FREE therapeutic service for women who have discovered their husband’s are struggling with sexual misbehavior. It is called, The WORTH group.
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Experimenters: These are those who are using pornography (or other sexual misbehaviors) more frequently, but are not considered addicted yet. Natural curiosities are to be expected, but can lead to addiction.
How do you know if your loved one is an “Experimenter”?
-The frequency of exposure is increasing (or you suspect it is increasing) even if accidental.
-Mood shifts are becoming more frequent.
-Secrecy is becoming more frequent.
-Misrepresenting the truth is becoming more frequent.
-Performance in academics, social situations, sports, music, etc beginning to be affected.
-Decreasing respect to authority figures.
-Verbalizes increased apathy toward activities that are usually interesting.
-Reluctantly admits to inappropriate behavior.
-Values avoiding inappropriate media, but still “slips” more than once every 3 months, but less than once every other week.
**If makes a sincere personal decision to improve, can make measurable improvements.**
If fear your loved one is now an Experimenter, you are going to want your loved one to be trained to identify and overpower the impulse to do things that are against their values system. Review of what they should and should not do is no longer going to be sufficient. Eternal Warriors training is specifically designed for parents and leaders to learn how to train their youth at this level. We also hold Eternal Warriors classes for those hoping to be prepared themselves for the battle when it comes. Your age and geographic location are taken into consideration. Most of our training classes are attended by webinar. Please look into it: https://goo.gl/GwbfRD
**Special Note: The moment in time when exposure becomes addiction is impossible to predict.
Remember those Oriental bamboo fountains (see images)? Which drop of water causes the next bamboo cone to tip?
How many exposures to pornography before one becomes an addict? We are never quite sure, but it could be the next one, or it has already happened. As with the many different forms of cancer, catching it early is key to minimizing treatment costs and maximizing a positive outcomes. Also, as with cancer, simple home diagnostics and remedies can be insufficient. Pornography addiction is a medical condition. To avoid the pain and complications of other medical conditions, a brief yet thorough screening can make all the difference. This is true of any fear of pornography addiction also. Please, if you have any fear your loved one could be slipping toward an addiction, have them screened. Email our headquarters, email@example.com or call 877HERO877. Be sure to let us know the age of your loved one and what city/state you live in. We carefully interview you and your loved one to assess how much concern you should have and we will make recommendations on how to proceed. (For a quick self assessment, you will will want to take this brief Sexual Self-Mastery Survey.)
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Now, more about the 3rd level:
Addicts: If your loved one is making promises to themselves and to you, but are slipping in their ability to keep those promises, you are dealing with someone who is slipping into addiction. A layman’s definition of an addict is someone who has tried really, really hard to overcome something, and have been unable to do it. They become moody, irritable, defensive, sullen, less-motivated, etc. At this point, you are dealing with a medical issue and professional help is going to be needed. I have seen many families try to do the brain surgery that is needed at this point, but it is impossible to train parents and leaders with the skills and tools needed. If you fear you might be dealing with an addiction, it is time to acknowledge that training beyond will-power is needed.
How do you know if your loved one is an “Addict”?
-Significant, unignorable mood changes, primarily irritable.
-Significant, noticeable patterns of misrepresenting the truth
-Significant drops in self-confidence.
-Values avoiding inappropriate media, but still “slips” more than once every other week.
**No matter how hard he or she tries, he or she is unable to make measurable improvements.**
For young men (14-23) fighting sexual addiction, use Sons of Helaman training.
For adult men (24+) fighting sexual addiction, use Men of Moroni training.
For (young) women of all ages fighting sexual addiction, use Daughters of Light (split into separate groups)
For more information about any therapy or training program, call 877HERO877.
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Former Addicts: Former addicts are those who once had to fight at the addict level, but since then have been able to gain mastery over their addictions and still retain a respect for the process needed to maintain that success. They feel powerful and cautious at the same time. They just need encouragement to maintain the systems that are working for them.
How do you know if your loved one is a “Former Addict”?
-Individuals who used to be addicts but have gained the knowledge, skill and perspective necessary to avoid inappropriate behavior for significant lengths of time, possibly permanently.
The following video is brief introduction to our Sons of Helaman training system…
All Life Changing Services self-mastery training systems are now available to you no matter where you live…
Sons of Helaman
is the LDS-principles based self-mastery training system designed specifically
to train young men to win the war against the onslaught of inappropriate material
in the media which increasingly challenges the values-based decisions of our
youth. Originated in Farmington, Utah in 2005, Sons of Helaman has successfully empowered hundreds of young men with the skills and perspectives needed to identify and overpower inclinations that would have derailed them from important life events that are important to LDS
families. Due to the success of the Sons of Helaman program, other services are now available too. Men of Moroni (for adult men), Daughters of Light (for women of all ages) and Eternal Warriors (for the loved ones of those fighting addiction) training programs.
LDS families might have hoped that our loved ones would be sheltered from access to inappropriate media, but unfortunately, the power of technology makes access only a few clicks away on just about any electronic devise. Not only is the number of youth in our area who are exposed to pornography alarming, so is the number of youth who are becoming addicted to the material and its associated behaviors. The pain and humiliation associated with this addiction can be overwhelming for these youth. We want our youth to be trained to avoid the bondage in the first place, but if they are already enslaved, we want them to be empowered to conquer! While blocks on technology help a little, to win this war, youth will need to be trained from the inside to be able to make quick and powerful choices.
LDS leaders in your area have been urgently searching to find or create a training system for those fighting this battle that is not only built upon the most powerful scientific methods of our time, but also openly integrates LDS values and principles. It is our understanding that church headquarters leaves the responsibility of finding quality training systems to the local leadership. With this in mind, we have created an introduction video for church leaders that can be shown for a 5th Sunday presentation and/or firesides. This video does not have any elements of advertising or marketing, but is just for your education. You are invited to share it with all who you feel would be served by it. https://youtu.be/SvGqOiziaYs
About Maurice W. Harker, LPC
Director of Life Changing Services, Director of Sons of Helaman, Facilitator of the WORTH group, Consultant for the Daughters of Light program.