Congratulations on completing a full time mission!
It wasn’t easy. There were several moments when you wanted to give up and go home, but you stuck to it and completed it. You made yourself available to the Lord and put yourself out there in an effort to influence others for good. You also learned a lot about yourself and your ability to overcome adversity and do hard things.
You even had some leadership experiences, which will be very beneficial to you in your future. It’s great that you kept a journal and took some pictures; that will be of great value to you later. Now that you’ve returned home, I want to give you some advice that is based on my own experience over the past couple of decades.
You deserve a break, but don’t be stagnant too long. You’ll see that a week or two is more than enough time to become reacquainted with family and friends, acclimate a bit, and to have time to do some researching and pondering regarding the next few years of life.
You may not feel like it, but you’ll be grateful as you get yourself out there in life right away: get a job, start school, and begin working towards a degree or other training that will enable you to get into a good career. As you move forward, strive to regularly schedule time to continue to enjoy your association with family and friends, because they will be a support to you in your future trials, and you will want to be able to support them in theirs.
Speaking of trials, you’ve been battling urges to think about and do things that are against your values. I’m not talking only about the battles with pornography, and masturbation, but also with the inappropriate thoughts or fantasies that are returning to your mind in full force. It’s all very unpleasant to talk about, but it’s best to confront this directly and early.
It is very important for you to understand some things about these behaviors that nobody has taught you yet. Although these behaviors are sinful, they are not the root of your problems.
You have used these behaviors as self medication, or an escape from things you either didn’t know how to handle or didn’t feel you were capable of handling. If all you do is focus on “don’t look at porn, don’t look at porn”, you will not fully get away from it. You will continue going through the cycles of engaging in it, feeling bad, making promises to yourself and God, then slipping back into it, feeling bad, etc.
The following six daily habits will give you power to break this cycle:
- Seek for ways to make somebody’s day a little better each and every day of the week. Start by focusing on your family, especially your mom. Train yourself to be conscientious of others’ needs before thinking of your own. Whenever there is something that needs to be done, and you are capable of doing it, just do it. You can reduce the time spent on entertainment and leisure so that you have more time to go make a difference in people’s lives everyday. It will feel like a burden as you think about it, but you will never regret doing it afterwards. You’ll be pleased with how rewarding this daily habit will become.
- Take steps to become fully accountable to God, your church leaders, and to your parents. Start by no longer covering your sins. Strive to open up to God and trusted loved ones regularly, taking responsibility for the things you’ve done. Do not let shame prevent you from true repentance. It is much better to face things directly than kick them down the road or seek to cover them up. I know you want to restore and maintain the trust of God and others. Satan wants you to avoid accountability and live in hiding and shame. As you dismiss Satan’s initial attacks and open up, Satan will try to use shame to make you feel like a horrible person that cannot ever be trusted or redeemed. Being accountable does not mean “accepting” that you’re a bad person. You’re not bad. You’re the spiritual offspring of the almighty God and you have the potential to become a great and righteous man. Being accountable is taking ownership of your life and acting for yourself rather than continuing to allow yourself to be acted upon by destructive habits and other evil influences.
- Replace the bad stuff with good stuff. Instead of only focusing on stopping the things you know you shouldn’t do (being sober), you can fill the void by replacing those behaviors with good, useful and productive things, like physical exercise or working on an edifying project that you enjoy. Also think of what is leading up to those moments of sin. What were you thinking and/or doing the minutes, hours, and days before you succumbed to the temptations? Those are the moments to fight your battles. For example, pay attention to when you feel a bit “off”, or when you’re not quite “in the zone”. What can you do to get back into the zone and keep a level head before the temptations are fired at you more intensely? Through prayer and practice, you will be able to train yourself to keep in touch with your spiritual nature regardless of your daily circumstances. I believe this will enable you to eventually view all women as daughters of God and fellow human beings that deserve dignity. They are somebody’s sister, daughter, and/or mother; not objects of sexual fantasies. Develop a plan to help you immediately respond to “feeling off” by doing something good. Have uplifting thoughts and actions readily available to get you back into the zone. Write those plans down and practice them often. Return to them repeatedly to evaluate how you’re doing, learn how you can be even more effective, revise your plan accordingly, then practice it again. Don’t worry about nailing it or getting it perfect right away. Just like learning proper techniques in sports or the arts, these skills require lots of practice. Nobody plays at a varsity level right away, so be patient with yourself.
- Have sincere personal prayer at least twice per day. Ensure that each prayer is meaningful and from the heart. Avoid rushing through those prayers. Pray long enough to start feeling a connection with your Father in Heaven. This may take several minutes each prayer. Your prayers do not have to be filled only with you talking; listening is a vital part of the process. Keep a little notebook or something nearby so that, when you feel or receive any inspired thoughts, you can record them. Even if you feel like you’ll never forget them, write them down to be sure. This will also provide you with some reassurances later in life as you come across more trials or doubts. Your record of personal revelations will remind you that you are perfectly capable of receiving more.
- Speaking of writing, you did well in keeping up a journal on the mission. You should continue that habit. Keep a personal journal of your thoughts, struggles, good times, etc. Don’t keep it all positive only. Write about everything. Use it to get your thoughts out on paper (electronic or hardcopy) and you’ll be pleasantly surprised at how it helps you sort things out in your mind. As mentioned above, the journal will also help you remember valuable lessons learned and precious experiences that you can look back on for inspiration during life’s many trials. I know that you think you will remember these things as you experience them, but I guarantee that you will forget over time if you don’t write them down.
- Read scriptures everyday. Strive to spend at least 30 minutes in the scriptures daily whenever possible (if not 30, any number of minutes is better than zero). This includes writings of ancient and modern prophets and apostles. Periodically review your patriarchal blessing as part of your scripture study. Consider starting your reading time with prayer as this will help open your mind to personal revelation during your reading. As you receive ideas/promptings, write these down. Again, you think you will remember, but you won’t unless you write them down.
Doing the above six things everyday will help you stay close to God and provide you strength to replace those inappropriate behaviors with goodness. You may feel like you don’t have time now, but you’ll see that, with good planning, you actually have plenty of time. In fact, it will become a pleasure to do these things.
You’ll see how the six habits are intertwined, in that you’ll often be able to knock two or three out at a time. For example, prayerful scripture study that involves writing down your thoughts takes care of the last three. It may feel a bit clumsy at first and you won’t get everything right immediately, but that’s OK. With practice, you’ll become more efficient and effective in daily and weekly planning.
You will see that, just by sacrificing some of your self-entertainment time, you’ll have enough time to do the small and simple things that will bless the lives of others, which will, consequently, bless your own life. You will then have the Spirit with you to strengthen and guide you to become more successful in avoiding, resisting, and managing the temptations that will continue to pour down upon you.
Please be mindful that allowing any garbage into your mind will indeed affect you in very significant ways, regardless of the source or intensity of the garbage. By small and simple means are great things brought to pass, whether for good or evil. You may feel like it’s not a big deal or that you can handle it. It is a big deal and, frankly, nobody can delve into garbage without getting that stench on themselves.
You are aware of some specific weaknesses that you need to work on. As you work on those weaknesses, Heavenly Father will show you more. Try not to get too discouraged with that; He’s doing it to help you grow line upon line. As you learn and grow, don’t worry about what others are doing; they govern themselves. Instead, use your energy to become the best version of yourself.
Just like starting anything else new, it will be a challenge at first. But you can do it and, as you continue to do it, you will gain momentum. You will find joy in being free from sins and shaking off those hellish chains that the scriptures talk about. You will love having a clear conscience. This will give you more self confidence, which will definitely help you fulfill your most important responsibilities (family, church, job). You will have a strong desire to keep yourself worthy to be called upon by the Lord and/or His children at any time to use His priesthood power to bless others, especially your own family. You can do this as long as you continuously repent, pick yourself up, and keep going down the path you know is right.
I want to emphasize something about the path that leads to Eternal Life. Don’t worry about where you are along the path or how fast you are moving. Just worry about being on the correct path, facing the correct direction, and moving forward.
In summary, avoid isolating yourself.
Find ways to be of service everyday.
Be open with and accountable to those you trust.
Keep yourself physically and mentally healthy by exercising your body and mind with good, uplifting things, which will gradually replace the inappropriate behaviors and thoughts that have been plaguing you.
Pray sincerely at least twice daily.
Keep an honest journal of your life, including the ups and downs and what you are learning.
Read and ponder the writings of the Savior and of His ancient and modern prophets/apostles daily.
As you receive revelation, write it down, develop a plan to implement it, then act on it. Later, reflect on what you’ve done, find ways to make your plans even better, then put them in action again.
Doing these things continuously will enable you to be a man of God; the man I know you really want to be, and that you truly have the potential to become.
By Life Changing Services guest writer Wallace G.
