When you’re in a toxic relationship, it’s common to develop survival skills that you never intended to acquire.
I never wanted to become a manipulator, but I’ve realized that I had adopted these behaviors just to survive.
These are reactive behaviors, not reflections of who you truly are, but rather what you’ve become in order to navigate someone else’s unhealthy influence.
It’s disheartening to admit, but when toxic behavior invades your space, it’s easy to start mirroring those same patterns. You adapt in ways that you’re not proud of—like raising your voice, calling names, or even throwing things in moments of desperation.
It’s like walking out of a restroom with toilet paper stuck in your pants—you didn’t even realize you were carrying something embarrassing. But once you recognize it, there’s an urgent need to fix it, to get that toxicity out of your system and move forward.
President Russell M. Nelson’s recent message at the General Conference of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints beautifully aligns with this.
He reminded us that we can find “joy under any circumstances,” encouraging us to rise above trials and others’ behaviors, and instead embrace joy, gratitude, and a commitment to our best selves.
When you’re in a toxic environment, it’s easy to reflect the unhealthy behaviors you’re exposed to, but President Nelson teaches that we don’t have to let those experiences define us. We can choose to break the cycle and find joy even amidst adversity.
The journey begins with recognizing how toxic influences have shaped your reactions. Ask yourself: In what ways have I become a disappointment to myself by adopting these behaviors?
Whether it’s raising your voice or manipulating a situation out of fear, it’s important to acknowledge these moments without judgment. Once you do, create a vision for yourself—one rooted in joy and integrity.
Think of it as playing two notes next to each other. On one side is the manipulator, a product of reactive survival; on the other side is the influencer, who leads with compassion, empathy, and grace. The goal is to catch yourself when you’re tempted to mirror toxic behaviors and choose instead to influence with kindness.
We all have moments where we’ve reacted out of fear or frustration, but that doesn’t have to define us. As President Nelson emphasized, joy is available under all circumstances. Rather than mirroring the toxicity of others, we can choose to respond with love and Christlike behavior, even when it feels difficult.
Just like removing that toilet paper from your pants once you’ve recognized it, there’s a sense of urgency to get rid of the toxic behaviors you’ve unknowingly carried with you. Start by creating a vision statement: I am an influencer for good. I delight in the people who are brought to higher ground through the service I render.
When you catch yourself slipping into old, reactive habits, gently redirect yourself toward compassion and integrity.
This is the path of growth, where reactive manipulation transforms into purposeful, Christlike influence. Through this journey, you’ll find that true joy comes not from control or defense, but from living in alignment with your highest self, regardless of the circumstances around you.
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Article written by Cindy Jorgensen, visiting contributor. You can contact Cindy at c.jorgensen81@gmail.com
