If you don’t have the Spirit, don’t talk, and don’t listen
Before we can talk about what to do and what to say in the marriage repair process, I need to introduce you to the most fundamental principles of miraculous communication.
Overriding Fear in Marriage Repair
The struggle with intrusive thoughts can be a significant roadblock in the intricate world of relationships. Many of us, grounded in faith, understand these uninvited, often negative thoughts as attacks from Satan, meant to distort our perception and disrupt our decision-making process. These spiritual attacks can push us to dwell on worst-case scenarios and overlook […]
Using “The Pattern for Growth” to Fine-tune the Agile Checklist for Becoming Better Husbands
How can we apply organizational principles and the wisdom of living prophets to become better spouses? This article explores this concept, blending the principles from Atul Gawande’s “The Checklist Manifesto,” Agile project management methodology, and the “Pattern for Growth” as provided by our faith in an effort to become better Presiding Husbands. **Simplicity in Complexity** Navigating the […]
8 Steps to Mastering the Art of Presiding in Marriage
Once, I thought that marriage was about dividing responsibilities and tasks, but I realized that approach was leading to a cohabitation-style marriage. We lived together, but we weren’t harmoniously linked as a couple. Through studying hundreds of couples and prayerfully considering the prophets’ teachings, I have discovered a more harmonious approach to marriage. The following […]
Prayer as a Compass: Strengthening Relationships through Spiritual Guidance
Gentlemen, let me share with you a story from my life that truly surprised me and illuminated my understanding of prayer in relationships. You see, I grew up in a family of nine boys, and it was routine for each of us to take turns leading the family in prayer. When I got married, I […]
Torment
As we strive to strengthen ourselves and our marriages, it is important to remember that Satan is always watching and waiting for an opportunity to strike. In 1 Peter 5:8, it says, “Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.” We must […]
5 Steps to Rebuilding Trust after a Relationship has been Traumatized
When a relationship experiences trauma, it is like an airplane crash. The one who does the betraying is like the pilot and engineer of the plane, and the injured party is like the passenger.
Working on Emotional Intimacy – Discussing the Past
Emotional Intimacy is one of the hardest phases of the entire process of rebuilding and repairing your marriage. You will need to be able to skillfully keep the Spirit present during conversations, and skillfully retreat and regroup if things start to fall apart.
Marriage Repair and Applying the First Three of the 12 Steps
The following is just one of over 100 lessons taught in the Marriage Repair Workshop: The Lazarus Lectures – by Maurice W. Harker, CMHC and team.
What To Do When You Have an Inadequate Spouse
What to do when you are an inadequate spouse. What to do when you have an inadequate spouse. As I have experienced my personal agony of not being enough in many circumstances…
A Presiding Tool: Initiating Verbal Intimacy
Some elements of relationship improvement and healing seem very difficult, but are actually very simple. Working on the first level of the 5 Intimacies, Verbal Intimacy, is a must. Try this some time… Approach your wife on just about any subject and ask, “What is your opinion on….?” Easy, right? The actually act of starting […]
The 4 Square Listening Tool
How to use it and why it works *You can also watch Maurice explain this topic in a video training HERE. Many of us find ourselves in conversations where we start to feel “flooded”. This term is used to describe a complex psycho-biochemical experience where our ability to listen with an open mind is decreased […]
Don’t Bicker, Counsel
“You bring that up every time we talk about this. That’s stupid and we are not writing that down, I told you that already!” – A man who isn’t creating safety for his wife. My wife and I decided we wanted to sit down and write down our reason why we were moving forward with […]
Sex as a Reward?
A common question asked of me in my work with women who have experienced betrayal trauma or sexual trauma is something like, “What role is sexuality supposed to play in a healthy relationship?”
Marital Repair Case Study #1
(The words of the wife are in italics.) I was able to have another chat with my husband last night where I calmly explained my distance of late is due to working through pain and past hurts. I explained that, just like when you get a serious burn, in the moment it hurts but […]