Some elements of relationship improvement and healing seem very difficult, but are actually very simple. Working on the first level of the 5 Intimacies, Verbal Intimacy, is a must.
Try this some time…
Approach your wife on just about any subject and ask, “What is your opinion on….?”
The actually act of starting a verbally intimate conversation is easy.
Winning the mental war before the conversation even begins is the challenge.
As I have interviewed many people, and yes, this mental war is found more often in men than in women, I have found that Satan makes a significant effort to sabotage the conversation before it even gets started. Satan does not want a man to start verbally intimate conversations with his wife. When a man starts a conversation like this with his wife, he experiences it as Presiding.
So, if the idea comes to his mind, “I would like to grow my relationship with my wife. I have recently learned about the importance of starting with Verbal Intimacy. I have recently learned to start a verbally intimate conversation by asking, ‘What is your opinion on….?’, there is almost always a Satanic attack that sounds something like…
“But you really don’t want her opinion.”
“Her opinion always complicates everything.”
“You know that if you ask her that question we are gonna be here for an hour and you just want a quick answer so…”
“Never mind, not worth the work or it will just start a fight.”
Sadly, this Satanic attack actually works way too often. And when Satan does win this one, the couple misses out on an important opportunity to experience connection on at least one level.
To win this mental war, the man will need to engage the part of his brain that he uses in a physical war…he will need to desire the reward notwithstanding the difficulty in getting to that reward.
He will need to actually want to hear his wife’s opinion. He will need to actually want her thoughts and feelings to influence his life, even if it complicates his life. He will need to want to provide her with a verbally intimate experience with the understanding and the hope that he will be edified by the experience also.
So, brethren, let’s not even wait for the idea to initiate verbal intimacy, let’s plan to do so on a regular basis. Put it on a daily checklist if you have to.
Build your relationship one brick at a time. Win the war against the dark entity who is dedicated to starving your marriage to death. Be ferociously dedicated to Presiding, Providing and Protecting the Verbal Intimacy in your marriage!
[For more from Maurice Harker on healthy and healing marriages, get a free copy of the ebook I’m Not Okay, You’re Not Okay, But That’s Okay.]