Gentlemen, imagine your wife approaches you, and given the appropriate stage in your relationship, she suggests having a physically intimate encounter.
You respond with enthusiasm, and she presents a menu of six different ways to be intimate, not knowing beforehand which you would prefer. What is the man’s response when offered a variety of options for physical intimacy?
He says YES. He welcomes any which option or even all of them.
Did you know that when a husband asks his wife which type of psychological intimacy she would like to experience with him, every woman I have worked with will give the same answer – YES.
She will appreciate whatever thoughts and feelings you write about and share as much as you appreciate physical intimacy.
It’s baffling to me why such intimacy is so significant for our ladies, but when I teach this lesson to the women, they often become flushed and excited at the prospect of their husbands offering them intimate insights into their thoughts and feelings on just about any subject.
We often speak of women giving themselves to their husbands.
The concept of husbands giving themselves to their wives should also be considered. However, this has mistakenly been associated with the physical body.
Giving yourself to your wife truly means sharing your thoughts, feelings, and ideas with her, allowing her to explore and understand them.
If you desire intimacy to grow in your relationship, you must frequently share your inner world and engage in interaction, just as you would hope your wife will want to participate in physical intimacy.
You can’t just say that you’ve shared it once and expect the same level of intimacy.
Brothers, every time you can transfer your thoughts to paper, particularly in a conversation with God about your personal growth, and allow your wife to see it, it will bring you closer together.
Imagine your wife taking time to consult with God, reflecting on her relationship with you, seeking guidance for improvement as a wife, and taking notes on her insights and new plans.
Suppose she then shares that process with you, revealing her plans for better communication, support, and understanding with you. I hope you agree that such vulnerability would be an honor and sacred to experience.
We enjoy our wives giving themselves to us physically. However, we leave them wanting if we don’t reciprocate in a form that is greatly meaningful to them.
Women crave your psychological intimacy in any form, just as you enjoy their physical intimacy in any form.
Sadly, men often fear rejection when sharing their thoughts and feelings with their partners, despite women facing similar fears but still sharing their bodies. Overcome this fear and become adept at sharing your inner world.
President Nelson provided us with an easy-to-follow guide on how to do this, the DPAR tool.
After taking any type of action intended to improve your life, reflect on your actions, write down your reflections, discover new ways to improve, and create a plan for growth.
Write it all down.
This process, especially when the man shares it with his wife, can mend marriages faster than anything else, if repeated day after day for several weeks.
It has been my observation that every woman will want to follow you in this process after seeing their partner as one of the few men genuinely moving forward in life.
The Lazarus Lecture system is designed so that even if your wife doesn’t participate, you can still lead your marriage to a healthier place by engaging in the process.
So, gentlemen, do not wait for your wife to initiate. Take the first step and embrace vulnerability in sharing your thoughts, feelings, and plans for personal growth with your wife.
It is a miraculous way to be a Presider.