husband and wife

“Letter to Husband” who blames his wife for his addiction

Dear Husband,

It is not relevant whether or not I am attractive to you. You made a covenant with God when you took me to the temple.

You promised that you would spend the rest of your life consecrating all of your resources to provide for and protect me and any children we might have together. You covenanted with God that you would treat me like one of his precious daughters, with kindness, respect, loyalty, graciousness and honor.

Nowhere has God said anything like unto, “unless you no longer find my daughter attractive.” Nowhere in the principles you have learned from prophets past and present have you ever been told, “If you no longer find your wife to be attractive, you can now view the naked bodies of the other daughters of your Father in Heaven.”

Husband, I cannot control your behavior and choices. I will remember that you can do whatever you want. I will not try to take from you your freedom of choice.

The promise I made in the temple was to follow you IF you are following our Father in Heaven.

When you misbehave, when you break the law of chastity (yes, viewing pornography is having a sexual relationship with someone other than your spouse (so is masturbation…having sex with yourself is not having sex with your spouse.)) and/or you do not protect me from being blamed for something that is not my fault, you are breaking the temple covenant.

Salt Lake TempleWhen you have broken the temple covenant, I am not required to follow you; and from now on I will be making decisions accordingly.

Not too long ago there was a talk in General Conference where it was mentioned (to the effect), “You cannot build a mansion in heaven and still have a summer home in Babylon” or something like that. Husband, I am going to try to live two lifestyles, like you have been.

I do not know how long I can maintain it, but here is what I will try to do. If you are walking toward a mansion in heaven (behaving well), I will try to follow you. If you are walking toward the Babylon summer home (not behaving as if you are following God), then I will quickly shift into “Pioneer Woman Mode”.

In other words, I will function like my pioneer ancestor women who found themselves without a man in their lives. I will buckle down and be strong. I will proceed to the promised land without you. I have a stewardship over these children. I cannot wait for you to dily daly and risk the possibility of me and the children being caught in a “winter storm” before we get to the promised land. Yes, I would prefer you come with us.

Yes, if you run to catch up with us, I would appreciate your help again, but, I cannot wait to help you. I do hope you get the help you need. I do not want you to freeze to death in the cold. You will need the help of God and other professionals while I move on.

May God be with You in Your Journey,


If you are a woman who would like more training on how to handle things with your spouse, consider joining the WORTH group.

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