In the aftermath of a collapsed marriage, the process of rebuilding can seem daunting.
As we embark on the journey of reconnecting with our spouse, it is essential to focus on laying the solid groundwork of each individual before constructing the bridge that will bridge the gap between the partners.
Today, let us closely examine the building of the individual piers, and the crucial role the Spirit plays as our anchor during this process.
Your personal development is a Sacred Process. One that should be held in reverence by others. Keep this in mind as you consider disrupting the growth and healing that your spouse may be going through.
(Another article on this same theme: “What To Do When You Have an Inadequate Spouse”)
Here is a metaphor that might help.
When it comes to building individuals, the psychological process bears resemblance to the classic game of Tetris.
Just like the falling pieces that must be twisted and slid into the correct space to create solid layers, constructing a strong and solid foundation in the human mind requires similar effort.
Having worked with human brains for many years, I have come to understand the delicacy and meticulousness of this process. It entails observing what is already present in the brain, identifying what is missing, and selecting the appropriate principles to offer.
The recipient then takes these principles and integrates them into their mind, hoping they stick quickly.
However, in my experience, I have come to realize that this process is nearly impossible to accomplish accurately without Divine assistance. Only our Father in Heaven truly comprehends the intricacies of each of our minds.
Even in my position, as a carefully trained and significantly experienced specialist, I am, occasionally, left guessing and hoping to read the needs of the individual in front of me accurately. It is only when the other person’s facial expressions and body reactions demonstrate understanding and acceptance that I know I have gotten it right.
Yet, even then, I must remain attentive as individuals secure the principles firmly in place over time. True principles, even when placed correctly in the Tetris puzzle game, can easily slip away.
When working with marriages, one common mistake I often encounter is the urgent desire of each spouse to impart principles into the other’s mind.
There is a tremendous eagerness to teach, explain, and ensure that their spouse understands and internalizes the principles and behavioral changes that are a priority to them. I acknowledge and appreciate this urgency and the desire for their partner to acquire and implement these insights as well.
However, I implore each of you to involve the Spirit in this process. Remember, personal growth is a Sacred process.
The Holy Ghost, as the ultimate teacher, understands the intricacies of your partner’s mind and knows which principles will fit accurately into their cognitive framework.
I offer a strong and urgent warning: do not insert yourself into the learning process of another person unless they explicitly invite your participation.
By attempting to forcefully insert something into someone else’s mind, you are likely to jeopardize the Divine process of human development. Instead, focus on giving your undivided attention to your own growth and understanding (more and beam).
If you have been the cause of pain in the relationship, take the time to comprehend your behavior and evaluate the weaknesses in your foundation that led to those missteps. There is plenty of self-work to be done before you can effectively contribute to your spouse’s growth.
In the Lazarus Lectures, we emphasize the importance of patience and allowing the learning process to unfold as guided by wisdom and Divine guidance.
Rather than being disruptive, we should strive to create an environment where the Spirit can be present for our own growth as well as our partner’s. Let us recognize that we are not qualified to play the role of teachers or trainers of our partners.
By respecting this principle, we honor the divine nature of human development and can contribute to the necessary space for growth and healing to occur.
In the pursuit of rebuilding our marriages, let us focus on laying a strong foundation for our own pillars and allow the Spirit to guide our own and our partner’s learning process. As we prioritize our own growth and refrain from forcefully imposing our ideas on our spouses, we create an atmosphere conducive to transformation and connection.
May we approach this sacred journey with humility, patience, and a deep commitment to fostering a strong and enduring marital bond.
(This is one of many lessons taught in The Marriage Repair Workshop. You are invited to join us at any time.)
