I’ve been reflecting on the life of an older brother. Not that I’ve been one, but through the accounts of others and personal observations.
Moving can be hard, but it seems like it’s hardest on older children. They leave behind what they know, friends they’ve made, and comforts they have taken for granted, and sometimes they don’t fully understand why they had to relocate. Such were the feelings of one young man many years ago, when asked to leave his long-time home.
To compound his distress, his gung-ho little brother was always going on about how great this move was going to be, but he elder brother couldn’t see how. He felt like his dad was finally starting to listen when he made it possible for his son to travel back home to ask his long-term girlfriend to marry him.
As was common in those times, the son returned to his father’s household, taking his new bride far from everything she had known as well. Fast forward a few years, and a few difficulties that included the loss of most of their worldly wealth, and you can imagine that he felt his wife deserved better.
You can imagine his righteous indignation at her suffering, and his frustration at his father’s intractable demand that they continue to live in difficulty, when they could just go home to what they knew and rebuild their lives in comfort.
And of course, through it all his little brother, himself now a newlywed, had the gall and insensitivity to continue with his happy, preachy attitude, even though his poor wife was suffering too.
Things seemed to go from bad to worse, and that was when their father sat them down and shared his vision of what they were doing. “UNBELIEVABLE!” was all his eldest son could say. It didn’t even make logical sense!
He was convinced that his recent worries about his father’s sanity were now justified. The guy was NUTS! And it didn’t help that his annoying little brother claimed that it made perfect sense, you just had to be special like him to understand.
He was surrounded by nutjobs!
They couldn’t seem to understand what was so plain to him. Didn’t they understand how hard he had worked to hold the family together, and it seemed like they were just trying to tear it apart. As a dutiful son, he took it on himself to step up and lead, to salvage what he could from the situation, and things seemed to get better for a while.
And then it happened.
His bird-brained little brother decided that they should start a yacht building business, despite knowing nothing about doing it!
The older brother had worked hard to gather the resources they had, and now this punk wanted to squander them?!
Worse, his brother became so agitated when he pointed this out that he began to fear for his safety. The kid was clearly imbalanced! Father seemed to think the best way to mollify him was to go along with this fantasy and the old brother, with his greater knowledge and experience, might even be able to pull this off.
Sure enough after months of grueling work, thanks to his insight and ingenuity they had actually managed to build what looked like a half decent ship. Excited to take it on the maiden voyage, they loaded up their families and set out to enjoy the fresh sea air.
After they had finished their sea trials and were confident it was seaworthy, the elder brother was feeling pretty good.
Against all odds, he’d figured out how to make a mighty fine vessel, and he deserved to celebrate! He should have known though, as soon as he started cheering his little wet blanket brother started mouthing off about how his older brother was wrong and he hadn’t hardly done anything.
This was the final straw, and grabbing some rope, the older brother quickly wrapped them around the little snot and tied him tightly to the mast.
Can you see the older brother’s perspective and where he made his mistake? He felt justified in his feelings and behaviors, and he felt wronged by others. He judged them and did what he knew to be best for everyone. He felt he earned the right to lead and have his descendants be kings of their people.
I find that Laman’s life is often far more instructive than I wish it was. He’s actually a very relatable person when you consider what he must have been feeling. So where did Laban go wrong? How is it that this dutiful and diligent son became the father of wicked nations?
As I see it, it all came down to his perspective. Laban was always focused on himself, seeking answers from the Lord BEFORE he took any action.
We all know Nephi’s reaction to the task of retrieving the Brass Plates (1 Nephi 3:6) but we should consider Laban’s after being confronted by the Angel. Laban didn’t doubt the mandate, but he doubted it was even possible. His words don’t exactly ring with Nephi’s confidence in the Lord (1 Nephi 3:30-31).
When Laban was confronted with a doctrine he didn’t understand, he honestly sought to understand it (1 Nephi 15:2) .
He did his homework.
He discussed it with his brothers in an ancient family home evening, and he still couldn’t understand what it meant.
He was convinced he could solve it, and when Nephi asked if he’d even bothered asking God for help his response was “We have not; for the Lord maketh no such thing known unto us.” (1 Nephi 15:9)
The big difference between Laman and Nephi? Nephi was willing to ask, and humble enough to hear the answer(1 Nephi 15:11). Nephi knew that the answers would sometimes be hard to hear, but he trusted the Lord implicitly to lead him to a land of promise.
Some bonus thoughts from Eternal Warriors Principles:
1. Perspective Determines Destiny
- Eternal Warriors Insight: “Your identity is forged through action. Too often, people allow their past to dictate their future, believing that their struggles or weaknesses permanently define them. But identity is something you build, not something you passively inherit.”
- How it applies here: Laman’s downfall stemmed from his perspective—he believed he was the rational, hardworking leader who was being undermined by his father and younger brother. His focus on self-justification and frustration shaped his ultimate trajectory. Had he shifted his perspective to see challenges as part of God’s plan, his path could have been different.
2. Faith Precedes Understanding
- Eternal Warriors Insight: “Nephi knew that the answers would sometimes be hard to hear, but he trusted the Lord implicitly to lead him to a land of promise.”
- How it applies here: The Eternal Warriors principle emphasizes the importance of taking action in faith, even when understanding is incomplete. Nephi followed the principle of trusting God before he could see the outcome, while Laman demanded clarity and certainty before obedience.
3. The Danger of Justification and Resistance
- Eternal Warriors Insight: “Your greatest battles are fought in your mind. Before you ever act on a decision, you have already won or lost the battle in your thoughts.”
- How it applies here: Laman continually justified his resistance to Nephi and Lehi, which hardened his heart. The Eternal Warriors principle warns against allowing negative thought loops—doubt, discouragement, and deception—to dictate behavior. Laman’s belief that he was right overrode his willingness to seek divine guidance.
4. The TRUTH Tool: Overcoming Spiritual Blindness
- Eternal Warriors Insight: “The TRUTH Tool helps warriors identify and override deceptive thoughts: Take Notice, Recognize, Understand, Turn it Around, Hold onto Truth.”
- How it applies here: If Laman had been trained to recognize his negative thought patterns and consciously replace them with divine truth, his trajectory might have been different. The difference between him and Nephi was that Nephi actively sought truth, while Laman dismissed the possibility of receiving revelation.
5. Leadership Through Faith, Not Control
- Eternal Warriors Insight: “True warriors do not lead by demanding control; they lead by example and unwavering faith in divine guidance.”
- How it applies here: Laman assumed leadership was his right, but Nephi earned it through obedience and trust in God. The Eternal Warriors principles teach that effective leaders do not force compliance; they inspire through faith, discipline, and personal mastery.
6. The Danger of Inward Focus
- Eternal Warriors Insight: “When challenges arise, warriors train themselves to focus on mission, not self-pity. Resistance is proof that transformation is happening.”
- How it applies here: Laman’s mindset was self-centered—he saw hardship as personal injustice rather than part of a greater mission. The Eternal Warriors principle warns against dwelling in self-pity, emphasizing that opposition often signals progress.
7. Spiritual Alignment Determines Success
- Eternal Warriors Insight: “Success requires divine alignment—praying for revelation, seeking scriptural guidance, and trusting God’s plan even when it’s difficult.”
- How it applies here: Nephi succeeded because he aligned his actions with divine will. Laman, however, sought validation on his own terms rather than submitting to God’s plan.
Laman’s downfall was not simply about rebellion—it was about perspective, justification, and unwillingness to seek divine guidance.
The Eternal Warriors principles reinforce the idea that faith precedes understanding, mindset determines destiny, and true leadership requires humility and trust in God. Nephi’s success came not from superiority, but from his willingness to ask, listen, and act in faith.
Article written by guest writer Matt Warner
